When the show aired, I took a deep breath as I settled in. Oh no, I thought. This is bad. This is very bad. IS IT GOOD FOR THE JEWS? This is bad for the JEWS! These vapid, unattractive, silly, obnoxious and spoiled girls are making us all look bad. Is this how my demographic should be represented on TV? Is this even my demographic? Am I a JAP? How would I look on TV, would people call me ugly and fat and stupid? Oh no! How could that dumb Erica feed poor little orthodox Chanel AN UNKOSHER HOTDOG and LIE that it was kosher? How mean are these people? JEFF? Why the hell are you shopping for bikinis with your girlfriend and her MOM? ”My baby, my baby, THATS MY BABY!” Then there was the pool party and then infamous ”He poked me!” Not a real poke, of course, but a FACEBOOK POKE. “Pokes are creepy.” (Yes, they are.)Oh holy hell, could there be a more embarrassing moment for Jewish 30 year old women? Like any reality TV show, the harsh eye of the camera could be making these people behave badly, but who knows. They stand around in bikinis, yelling at each other, all heavy with the bloat of a life that involves zero work or ambition. Then we get to week two, the shabbat dinner in the Hamptons. It saddens me to see that these girls who are representing Jewish culture, have never even seen a shabbat dinner! They fight over Erica, the once “hottest girl on long island”, sleeping with the other girl’s boyfriend 13 YEARS AGO. Blond artist/waitress at 1 Oak is not over it. I’m befuddled as to why Erica keeps talking about how hot she was. How depressing would that be? To talk about how you used to be a babe and now you aren’t? I mean, if I were Erica, I would have stopped drinking and smoking and hit the gym for a few months prior to filming. Not that she looks that bad, but the show puts this whole thing into high relief and stresses her fall from grace.
So why am I even writing about this? Because at first I was deeply upset about feeling misrepresented in the media! Im a jewish girl from New York! I would NEVER let a strange man carry me from the manicure place to the car! I would NEVER call my daddy in the middle of a strange neighborhood to tell him “I feel weird” and I definitely don’t travel with my own duvet. I’ve never even been to Long Island, so I don’t know why I took this personally, but I did. Then I read some lame outraged editorial on Huffpost and had an epiphany. Bravo is an equal opportunity offender! This is all part of a brilliant plan to show us how we are all different, but the same. Is the persian muslim 30 year old living off her parents and behaving badly in LA really that different from the Jewish one in LI? No! NOT REALLY! Is anyone on earth more crazy than Kenya Moore? No. Or wackier than Vikki Gunvalson? Is there a more awful show than Teen Mom? Or Dance Moms? (I’m not going to include Honey Boo Boo, because I actually like that family.) Or the Jersey Shore? No, not really, its just less funny. Until Bravo shows us every subset of every culture in its rawest, most revolting, exactly the same as everyone else behaving awfully way, will we ever realize that we have more in common than we think? The best of us do great things, the worst of us do reality TV. And there you have it. World peace via Bravo.
I also have to add, that apparently I know a lot of people who know Chanel, the narrator who is kind of like the Jewish wanna be Carrie Bradshaw of the show. And they say good things about her. And to be fair to her, I think that she is a great narrator with self awareness that makes her funny. She knows this is ridiculous.