Did you watch the Oscars last night? Of course you did. IT CAME TRUE. What came true? Jennifer Aniston wore red Valentino, K-Stew needed to comb her hair. Seth McFarlane was pretty good as host but was still bashed on twitter. Jennifer Lawrence FELL, in what was ultimately the most glamourous, beautiful, humble fall of all time. Daniel Day Lewis and Cristoph Walz won: if I were a male actor, I would time my roles so that they DONT coincide with either of those two in a movie.
And of course, Anne Hathaway made us hate her even more with her twee, faux humble, IT CAME TRUE opener. It came true is the new “You like me, you really like me!”
And now, ON TO THE FASHION!
Naomi Watts. You killed it. Brought it back to life, and killed it again. If I had to wear head to toe sparkles, I would wear something like this.
Jane Fonda, you make me less fearful of the passage of time. A vision.
Now this is a woman who can wear white, and short hair. I’m not in LOVE with the dress on its own, but on her, wow.
Adele has a last name. Who knew? When she sang she had her hair down, and she was the sexiest thing ever. How is it that she can win her billionth award and still be humble and sweet and adorable in her speech, every time?
Reese Witherspoon does not ef around with the hair and makeup. Glorious.
Dress was beautiful too.
Jennifer Lawrence, aka America’s Sweetheart aka the nicest, cutest personality to ever fall at the Oscars. While the dress is a wee bit bridal, she looks like a vision in it. Imagine if it were her actual wedding gown? How amazing would it be?
Halle Berry, if there were a single person who could personify what the Bond Franchise is all about in one single dress- its you in this Versace. AMAZING. And if there were a single word to embody it, it would be “GOLLLLDDDDFINGAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
Jessica Chastian, you are glorious. She actually looks like Jessica Rabbit here. Doesnt she?
How could one woman be so beautiful? Kerry Washington in Miu miu. And I cant find a great pic of her but if I do I will change it.
Queen Latifa can stand on a stage with Renee Zelwegger, Catherine Zeta Jones and Richard Gere and blow them all out of the water.
Im on the fence about Jennifer Aniston in this. Its nice to see her in something poofy for a change, I guess. But I dont know. Not sure.
I want to like this so bad. But its just too much. The velvet, the hair. I love a good look from 1988 like its nobody’s business, but you’ve got to do SOMETHING to keep it modern.
Helen Hunt, I love that this is custom H&M, I just wish it looked better!
Note to Amanda and pale girls everywhere: WEAR COLOR. Trying to match your skin tone is a no no.
Sally, I like you in this. I really like you.
You may have won for best supporting actress, but you also won for worst dress. Congrats. I think this just proves that your own team hates you, because how could they let you go out with your nips showing like that?!?!
Mellissa, that hair! What happened?!?!
I love Brandi with all my heart, but who let her in? She happens to look beautiful, except for the booby thing. TOO MUCH BOOB.
Amy: beautiful, but please refer to Amanda, above.
The hair, the black and blue and the bad attitude. NOT INTO IT.
Renee Zellweger’s dress was beautiful but her hair and makeup looked like she came from the gym. Plus I think she was drunk. Or something.
THE VERY VERY BEST:
Daniel Day Lewis, yesterday, today, tomorrow. AMAZING. (Although, I’m just gonna say it: while DDL was amazing as Lincoln, Lincoln sucked. I blame Steven Spielberg. The directing was CHEESY, if directing can be cheesy.)
All the men killed it. Not that it takes much. But the man in the kilt who accepted for Brave, AWESOMESAUCE. Ben Affleck choking up (and saying some weird shit about his wife.) YAY. Every sound editor who looks like the hail from Rivendale, YES! Be weird! So many men in lace front wigs, OY. Jack Nicholson in a red bow tie- YES! How awesome was it when Jennifer Hudson brought down the house? And how
jealous happy for her do you think Beyonce was? (I forgot to talk about this last week, but I literally could not get through ten minutes of her “Documentary” which was literally a vanity project. That revealed nothing. And made me wonder what she is really hiding.)
What did you think everyone!?!?