RHNJ-Family Vacations Suck. Especially other people’s families.

So I am back in NYC for a few days and that means…. TIME. Quiet time. Time to watch TV on my very own couch and recap terribly awesome shows as I please.

The past ten episodes of this NJ season can be summed up as follows:

The Guidicies spend embarrassing sums of money as we cringe. Each week seems to get worse.

Danielle looks for more ways to be a victim.

Caroline tries to maintain a plot line without doing anything.

Jacqueline tries to do the best she can with her daughter.

The two Kims try to wiggle themselves into a contract for next year.

In this particular episode there are a few things that I would like to mention:

1. Family vacations SUCK. Traveling with kids is insane. Especially other peoples barely controlled brats. Cue Caroline and Albert Manzo pissed face. (Family vacations get better when Italian families make food for you and take you into their quaint homes on hills. But not if they aren’t your family and you don’t speak the language.)

2. When you dont have the money you are spending, you get awfully cranky Joe. There is not one moment of the entire trip when Joe isnt looking over his shoulder, visibly uncomfortable in his own skin, waiting for someone to tell him his credit card got rejected. Also, nonstop yelling at his wife and kids.

3. Teresa still has her baby weight. (Dont worry Tere, so did I).

4. Danielle tries as hard as she can to make her daughters uncomfortable. Fist pumps, “blow it up”, talking about things that kids shouldnt have to deal with, even when they are visibly past the point where they want to talk about them…. Her kids ALWAYS say something smarter than what she just said (especially Jillian, 11) and she just takes credit for them and then makes them more uncomfortable. Also, the fact that she is SUDDENLY looking for her birth mom… well… duh. Plot line. And also, so pissed when her daughter says “ass” and even “butt”… may I remind you that the woman released her own sex tape and has been quoted in a newspaper as saying “Scores is a comfort zone for me?” I think its called Sapphire now btw.

5. If Danielle isnt banging Danny – or wasnt at the time of production- I’ll freakin eat my hat. They both have that smug secret sex look when they see each other… You know the one that Ashley gets when her parents ask her if she is using protection?

6. Teresa has the worst taste in the history of the world and dresses her kids like 18th century hookers:

From the Wild West.

7. She blames the fact that English is not her first language for her “sometimes forget the words” But how do you explain the vacant stare? 8. Next weeks previews make it seem like someone gets shot. Also, its completely staged. (Just like so many other moments… Uhhh… Let’s go to Italy… OK! Or when the two husbands were sitting at the bar talking about Danielle…. Some very fake moments. As fake as Rachel Zoe’s Bing Commercials… Rodge! Look Bing!)

Anything else? Your turn!