Let Me Finish Dear: A Housewife Reunion Unleashed

By Sarina Azizo…. With commentary by sketch42…. Duh… you guys get it by now.

Last night’s reunion showed everything we love about the show “Drama. Drama. Drama.” as Kristin Cavallari so famously stated back in season one of Laguna Beach. (Oh Kristin Cavallari… How we love to hate you… I want to talk for a second about the level of low that Krisin’s standards have reached. I find it hilarious and super sad that she warns Mckaela (Who looks like LC & Jade Nicole’s child) that people just want to sleep with her “you poor simple sweet child”, but that she accepts from Brody what Mckaela should scoff at. SAD.) So much so, that the editors split this cage match into a three-part special. They too did this with the bachelorette party, and if it’s as juicy as those three episodes, can’t say I’m anything short of excited. All good things must come to an end, but if that ending can be dragged out to it’s fullest extent, I’m always down. (Yes, as Rebecca June put it in a comment, this made my month.)

Let’s start with KKKB. Better known as Kelly “Klose-your-legs” Killoren Bensimmon. “This is like the housewife courtroom with no judge.” Wow, she can complete a sentence! ‘Ok great.’ The back and forth between Kelly and Alex was insane! I effin hate you Kelly! And stop saying things like: “are we really doing this? Come on” or “the fame is almost embarrassing” because you signed up for the show! Stop playing the “I hate the media” card. You love it. (Agreed. If you dont already think Kelly is the dumbest person on the planet, pop over to MFAMB and watch this video.)

I love when the housewives shut LuAnn up. Loved it when Sonja did it and I loved it even more when Alex did it last night. Even though “new Alex” is a little creepy and definitely channels the devil at times, she’s great. She’s putting idiots like Countless and Jill in their places. And they deserve it! Go Simon for kicking the smoking habit by the way. Can’t wait for the banana hammocks next season, Si! Not. (I am crazy about the new Alex… I found her and Bethany to be COMPLETELY enlightening. I loved every word that Bethany said to Jill. For a second I thought she was gonna say something like, “It will be hard for me, but Ill try.” But instead she UNLEASHED. Wow. Jill is a conniving jealous bitch. But more on that later.)

Jill Lion Zarin. Your hair was really, really ugly. And don’t lie, you totally meant ugly when you spoke about Alex at Brooklyn Fashion Week. Also, I think there’s an age-cutoff for women who wear green shoes. And you definitely don’t make the cut. On the other hand, Kelly’s shoes were awesome. I need them. (Is it me or was Kelly wearing a different version of the dress she wears in the opening credits? I actually liked Jills shoes, but she does need a haircut. Badly. ) (I think Jill must have looked around at her team and though “Oh Shit. If this is my team I really must be wrong.)

The Renewed Ramona coaster was great. Nothing made me happier than when she called LuAnn out on her one-shouldered obsession! Classic! I also really laughed hard from the Ramontage. Lines like “I’m hott for him” and “I’m gonna shut her down” reminded me why this season was pretty outstanding. And I  don’t think we ever discussed the “tuuurtle…tiiime” jig she did. Probably the funniest scene ever. One quick question though, why does Ramona wear the cheesiest clothes? Where did she find that dress? All of the other wives looked great! She stuck out like a sore thumb. But she made up for it with the “I don’t call her stupid, I just gave it as an example to make you feel better” quip. Good one Mones. (Ramona was kick ass the other night. I loved it. Everything, from the one shoulder dress thing…. HAHAHA… We called it. To the Kelly stupid thing, to apologizing. Team left couch was so amazing. Jill really really wanted to be sitting on the other couch. I could feel her inching away from Kelly and Luman. She agreed with every word Bethany said, until Bethany turned that witty little brain on HER! Wow, then it was all, SHOW ME THE PROOF.)

Bethenny, I am speaking for America when I say I  hate you for losing your baby weight so quickly.

Looks like we’re in for quite a ride when next week’s Humpty-Dumpty-Hoedown airs. Especially the Ramona “I was a shithead to you and you and you” scene. Whoa. Thank god it’s airing on Monday, I’m not sure I can wait much longer!

(Dying… I felt like the show was just a prelude to all the really good stuff which they are obviously saving!!!)

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  1. hi sketch.
    brilliant line: jill really wanted to be sitting on the other couch. i cannot wait to hear bethenny’s humpty-dumpty line!!!!
    i’m following you now. (that wasn’t meant to sound as creepy as it did!!)

    • Nicole Cohen says:

      hahah… You made me laugh with the following comment. The whole follow thing does sound kinda creepy, doesnt it?

  2. love to get others’ impressions on this show. i have to watch it in silence… my hubby hates it. i am soooo team left couch (although alex was a little out of place with her statement to jill at ramona’s event). jill really changed this season. from the sounds of it, bethenny honestly did not know bobby had cancer, just that he was having a procedure. love bethenny, she’s my fave. tells it like it is. pam