So it’s Thursday. We have a lot of shows to discuss before we get to the Real Housewives of New York and Bethany’s new show.

1. Real Housewives of New Jersey

2. 9 by Design

3. The Hill and The City.

Where should we begin? Hmmm…

RHONJ

1.Danielle is trying to sell her house. She thinks its really really nice. She thinks she has the nicest bathroom in town. She does… in 1984. She breaks down and cries to her real estate agent. Awkward!

2. I thought Jill was a shitty mom when she went to poor Ally’s fashion shoot and tried to steal her thunder. Then I saw Danielle’s shtick. First off, she doesnt stop barking at her poor, lost, innocent, little daughter. Then she gets The Great Gilles Ben Simon’s attention. (You know that old man used to be Kelly’s husband right?)

Aight, so Danielle gets her scary frozen rodent bug face into some of those pictures. And DUH that daughter is so damn gorgoues, it was obvious from day 1 of last season she was going to be a model. I cant beleive it took so long for someone to “discover” her.

2. Puffy Chucky’s daughter Gia also wants to be a model. She is cute, but apparently, Danielle doesnt think she is Super Model material cause “She’s 4 feet tall!” Yes, Danielle, she is also 7.

3. Jacqueline’s daughter Ashley is living with the blockbuster boy. I can smell her lie through the TV. Why are mothers so gullible? (Answer: Because they have to be to remain sane.) Dina suggests that Jacquline give Ashely a good old fashioned Italian beating, and I must concur.

4. The Ham game at the Manzos. The three children throw ham at each other.WEIRD, but cute family time. Apparently Albie is so annoyed that his sissy is dating Vito (who literally just strolled off the set of the Sopranos) his best friend. Albie, I am weirded out too. They are gross. But cute. I predict a Manzo wedding.

5. Danielle throws a luncheon to celebrate her daughter’s magazine cover. Her daughter is not present, because she is not invited, and neither are her friends. This party is for Danielle to celebrate her great success in giving birth to a beautiful daughter. F That.

These episodes have not reached their full housewives potential yet. Disappointing.

9 by Design:

I cried. Wow, the Novagratz are nice good people. They throw fund raisers for people who they actually know and love. They care about things. They do things for free. They always do their best, no matter what. They love each other. I love them. To read a great recap, go HERE.

The Hills:

Last week, I titled my article “Are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room?” and this week, there really was one. How’s that for coincidence. There was also Spencer, stomping his feet, slamming doors and acting so balls out crazy. He called Hiedi’s mom “a vagina” and then threatened to kick out Holly when she said that was disrespectful. And there was literal STEAM coming out of his ears. His face was sweating. His eyes were red. He is either on serious drugs, or should be. I wont be surprised if we find him asphyxiated  in a closet one day wearing crystals and Hiedi’s crystalized bathing suit.

Also on The Hills, another Audrina/ Kristin love triangle. This time involving Brody. But this time, the tables are turned. Nothing gives me more joy than seeing Kristin pine for Brody, who pines for Audrina, who is HAPPY ( Woohoo! ) with Ryan Cabrera. Now he is no Justin Bobby in the looks department, but he is so NOT mean to her! 

Also, Kristin’s whole “I’m the cool girl” act is really wearing thin. She can barely keep it up, and ya know why? Cause no one is the cool girl. Every girl is the same. We want attention and a boyfriend. We only pretend to be cool to get you to be the boyfriend.

Also, Heidi’s face is looking MUCH better this episode. I think its starting to settle in. She does need eyebrows though. And a divorce.

Now, The City… also known as The Office.

(Look at Olivia’s face in that picture. PERFECT. Dead in the eyes, miserable. Perfect.)

1. Olivia Palermo is not only incompetent in every way, she is trying really really hard to make sure that Whitney doesnt succeed. There is only one problem, she is also incompetent at keeping that fact hidden from everyone.

2. Elle Magazine is such an attention whoring magazine. Why else would they A. Hire Olivia, and B. Cast Teresa’s daughter Gia in that fashion show?

3. Kelly Cutrone finds out about Olivia’s undermining and says this: I am gonna come up like a shark on a glass bottom boat and whip the shit out of her. Thats why I love you Kelly.

4. Does anyone else want to see a showdown between Jill Zarin and Olivia Palermo? Here is how it would go:

Jill: Ya knowa, I dont knwo why ya didnt cawl me! How couldya not tell mea!

Olivia: I wont discuss this.

Jill: I am so sorry that she is being so rude.

Oliva: I think you should change your tone of voice right now if you want to discuss this.

Jill: You coulda called.

Olivia: Its really none of your business.

Jill: She is so embarrassing.

Olivia: Have a nice day.

You know what. I take it back. They would be best friends.