I asked one of my new favorite commenters SARINA to write a recap of last nights episode, but I couldnt resist adding in my own thoughts (of course!) My comments are in Italics…Oh and before we start, I just want to say that a lot of people have been googling “Why is Kelly mad at Bethany” and finding my blog. To all of you… GOOD QUESTION to which there is no answer.

HERE GOES: Watch this first.

It seems as though Ramona’s bachelorette booze cruise fiasco has been split into two episodes. That’s fine with me. I can watch this for a month straight. And even though there wasn’t as much drama as the previews may have suggested, there is still PLENTY to discuss from last night. (Me too Sarina, Me too…. I was delighted when I realized it was split in two.)
Let’s start with LuMann. The countess turned singer is dating Cort, that creepy guy who I’m pretty sure has Bell’s Palsy judging by the way he speaks. Every bit of this relationship is making me gag. The kissing scene on that couch, though not x-rated, should definitely have been cut by the censorship powers that be. Why does she like this guy? “I think I’ll start with the Deal-Closer.” Oh will you? Well then I’m closing my TV. How’s that for a deal? Ugh. Another lovely fellow in the Countess’ life is the blonde-mohawk record producer. “Money can’t buy you cla-hass” newsflash LuAnn, money can’t buy you a record deal either. You suck. (That guys tounge rolls out his mouth in the strangest ways. Luann, its not “classy” to ask men out for tennis dates! It really makes me laugh when someone calls her countess, you can just see her face light up as she says “oh stop!…. Go on!”)

Ramona, oh Ramona. Thank you for deciding to renew your vows. Thank you for bringing everyone to the island of “St. JohnS.” Thank you for playing cop by keeping clashing personalities away from each other at the dinner table. Thank you for packing 10 suits for a 3 day trip. Thank you for snorkeling with a noodle. Thank you for drinking Pinot Grigio. Thank you for grinding with Bethenny and Alex at what looked like Señor Frogs. Thank you for everything. You are a treasure. (Ramona SLURRING, Im gonna ShSHShsHUT her down was the best. She really is a horrid drunk.)

Alex, I only have one thing to say to you. Don’t ever laugh. Ever. It’s scary. Otherwise, I like you. Thank god you graduated high school. (YES!)

Kelly, I’m not sure why, but apparently eating in a bikini is a horrible thing to do. It’s strange because the shirts you wear as dresses don’t cover much. Do you not eat in those either? Eh, who am I to judge. I bet if I delved in further you’d probably sell me another genius catch phrase about lemons being turned into lemonade or what-not. And though I may have thought that you were once semi-retarded, I now realize that I was very wrong. You are fully retarded. And the things that come out of your mouth are ridiculous.  I was starting to warm up to you this season but you reminded me last night why we really can’t ever be friends. The crap you spew out about “not caring” about anything is obviously bullshit. Why do you care about Bethenny’s life so much? Why do you care about her chef status? You are so stupid and I cannot stand you. (Ok…. So Kelly has this really strange but complex life view that she thinks is all cool. Im going to explain it to you all. She thinks she is like an existentialist philosopher hippie type. In her world you should accept things for what they are because who KERRS? Feelings are so 1979. And Bethany’s dad telling her that he had a great full life without her is “normal and common” and also she isnt “vindictive and creepy” like Bethany, she lives in a life of sunshine and cartweels and flowers…  Kelly thinks that she isnt a mean gossipy girl like the rest of them. She doesnt want to engage in Jill Bashing. Probably because she is scared of her, but whatevs. So she not only has no command of the english language, but she also cannot understand human suffering. She is a vacant shell of a person. Theres a light on, but no one is home. Oh and if she went to Columbia, I will freakin burn my diploma.)

Jill, I’m happy you didn’t go to St. John, you don’t add anything to the table anymore. (I was relieved not to hear her yappy voice this week!)

Bethenny, WELCOME BACK! Your one liners were shooting out like wildfire last night and I can’t say I wasn’t thrilled to see the old you back to your funny ways. Thought we lost you there for a minute. I am so on your team and I’m so excited to see you putting Kelly in her place once and for all. (Did no one else notice that in the interviews bethany looks like she had her wisdom teeth pulled or the mumps? HOLY CRAP! I have never seen someones face change so much because of a pregnancy!!!)

Also, you didn’t mention Sonja who is the best housewife by far. She is a freakin compassionate human being who admits to all her faults! I love her. She looks bored when they talk about jill and says, I just want to get a pedicure! Yay!

Thoughts Dear Readers? Come up with some good comments and you too will be guest blogging for me!