I went into it expecting the worst movie of new millenium. I LOATHED the first movie. I thought it was so terrible that since seeing it for the first time in the theartres with a thousand other chicks, I have never watched it again. (Unlike the episodes which I can still get into at 2 in the morning.) I didn’t HATE this movie, I knew it for what it was, and I have completely disassociated it with the series. It’s just as bad of a chick flick as Valentine’s Day or Leap Year. Nothing more.

All the single ladies lined up at Kips Bay movie theater on Thursday:

I’m going to tell you why these movies are crappy:

1. The series ended the way we all wanted it to end. Carrie is with big. Charlotte has a family. Miranda is with Steve and Samantha has learned to love.  Now the writers are charged with a task: How to keep the viewers happy – by keeping the ending pretty much the same- while creating a plot. In both movies they take us on a journey (literally) and the characters go through more manufactured drama and end up the same (except for Samantha but the viewers like her alone).

2. The writers use trips as plot devices because they cant think of anything else for these women to do. They were too lazy to think of a plot that would keep them in NYC and despite blaring Jay Z and Alicia Key’s “New York” throughout, they are barely even in the city.

3. Watching people date is inherently more interesting than watching people be married. Trust me, I am married and it is much more boring (and satisfying) than the torrent love affair that got me there. (The whole couch drama is funny to me, because I always tell my friends who are about to get married – marriage is a lot of sitting on a couch with someone. If you dont have fun just being and home chilling with the person, dont get married!) Also, when these women were dating, there were OTHER CHARACTERS involved! The guy who dates models, the guy who showers after sex, the friend who settled for a guy who loved her more than she loved him, the friends at the Hamptons…

4. The wit and “wisdom” of the series is gone. Remember when Carrie used to be a witty writer, and the show used to talk about sex and the interesting nuances of humanity? Well thats all gone. The movies were pretty PG13 despite a few “Samantha” moments…. The worst thing Carrie does is kiss Aiden, when she had a freakin AFFAIR with Big while he was married to Natasha! Come on…. It was all so high school. Why is that? Perhaps because they wanted to be more mainstream and less edgy?

5. Miley Cyrus makes an appearance in the movie and after having seen it…. it was totally appropriate and indicative o

f the rest of the movie. We should have took that as a warning. The karaoke scene was painful to watch. I was embarrassed for them.

6. The acting sucked. It didnt for one second feel real. The characters relationships didnt translate in this second movie. Especially because the writers assumed they could pick up right where they left off. I needed a little more character development…. I didnt buy the acting or the relationships because the plot seemed so forced.

7. The clothes were stupid. Why are they so dressed up ALL the time? I liked when we used to see them dressed appropriately for different occasions… yoga, dinner, lunch, groceries. They were in ball gowns for 2.5 straight hours. That said, Miranda’s dress at that wedding was the best thing I ever saw.

8. EFF harem pants and turbans. Why so literal Patricia Fields? Does every character have to wear harem pants in every scene because they are in the mid east? STOP IT!

9. Remember when the women had careers? Yea… that was interesting. Now, not so much.

10. DUMB PUNS. “If you’re tired you dont move to Napa, you take a Napa”… remember when Carrie said that to Big and we rolled our eyes? Well, she is ten times cheesier in this movie. The movie is CAMPY and I hate that word.

All in all, this movie is aimed at a young audience. So young that they have only seen the show on network television and dont remember how good it used to be. It’s all about the glitz and glamour now and not about the gritty grimy life that is being single (Single & fabulous?)in NYC.  My conclusion: Have a drink, dont expect too much and go with your girlfriends to have a laugh and stare at the HOT HOT HOT men!