(Before we even start discussing, I must say that I am waiting with bated breath for the moment when Crazy Eyes takes the catwalk next week! CANT WAIT! That will make this whole torturous season worth it!)
Last season, for all her Zarin Fabrics plugging and vanity and faux Jewish Mother Henning- We loved Jill! She defended her friends. She was honest. She was the strong, tough reliable one.
Now…. Not so much.
The episode starts with Bethany and Ramoner strolling on a bridge. Strange place for Ramoner to tell her that she is a fame whoring pig and will probably mess up the relationship with the only person in her life who currently loves her, since she has no friends and no family.
Bethany’s lipless, reptilian chin starts to quiver. We are in full breakdown mode.
“What? Is it wrong to say how you feel? SO WHAT? I tell the truth!!” Says Ramoner. Um, Ramoner, in adult society, normal people dont BLURT out the meanest thing they can think of at all times. True or false, they keep those meanest of mean daggers for behind peoples back, like adults.
Anyway, Ramoner spurts out some version of a I-take-it-back-sorry-for-saying-how-I-FEEL- kind of apology and they meet Simon & Alex across the bridge for lunch. I kinda felt bad for them… they are like the self anointed king and queen of Brooklyn, a borough that surely needs no monarchy. So they try to diffuse the situation and have quickly become the only people resembling adults on this TV show. (I would like to point out that in my own life I have witness this aging but not maturing thing. Women of all ages will rip each other to shreds until the end. I know 90 year old women who are “left out” of the card games at the old age home. Not Kiddng.)
Next, Kelly is darting around town with perfect colt-like legs and a very horse-like face wearing a TRENDY hat and asking people what’s trendy and also what kind of underwear are they wearing? (She even asked a few TRENDY children what kind of underwear they were wearing.) She seems to think she discovered street fashion reporting and oh yea…. hahahahha… I was married to the BEST photographer ever, so I dont know how to use a simple digital camera! Hahahahah! Last week, I couldnt believe how little Kelly was annoying me this season. But then BAM, she was right back on top, being a space cadet.
Brooklyn Fashion Weekend still needs some more planning, so Bethany shows up to a model casting with a suitcase and SPILLS it to Alex, who turns out, is quite the little listener. Good job Alex. You are a nice person, and I am sure you would have been kicked off the show by now for being too normal if it werent for Simon.
Poor Bethany’s father is dying. They are estranged and she doesn’t know how to feel. She is going to see him and you can tell that perhaps she is the only person that understood what this RHONYC show could do for her and used it to propel her career and yet kept her real life hidden. Or tried to.
Model casting…. Kelly is unintelligible in saying how she feels so bad for the poor models… I kinda know what she means, but she DID NOT articulate! Come on GOTHAM, how can you hire this woman to WRITE ARTICLES for you when she can barely string together a sentence?
Next, Alex tries to clear her conscience by telling Jill, HEY JILL, its not just about you! Bethany has some important things going on too…. Sad things. As sad as CANCER. Maybe you should listen to her? Maybe you could find it somewhere in your black shriveled little heart to ask your former BFF how she is handling losing her father?
Nope, the black shriveled little heart takes its last beat before the transformation is complete. Jill has turned into the blood-sucking, vampire, red haired demon of the underworld that she will need to be in order to complete her final and most important task: The full demolition of Bethany Frankel. (Kelly told her vampires were TRENDY, so she decided that was what she would become.) She doesn’t want to leave Bethany beaten and broken on the side of the road, she wants to beat her, kill her and eat her brains.
Ramoner stages the perfect moment.
(Oh I forgot to mention that there is a scene where Luann sleeps in Jill’s windowless guest room or maids room or the only room not redecorated by Brad. Jill and Luann sit in bed together and contemplate the farts of her dog Ginger. They are now BFF. They literally have sleepovers and braid each others hair. The scene was gross and shows how much Jill loves being the mother hen. She loves taking in the poor single girl and making her a minion.)
Jill and Luann are in Ramoner’s closet looking for things to sell at a charity party for poor people. (These women are SOOO generous.) Flash to Bethany in a TRES CHIC outfit with a tiny cakebox walking down the street to ambush Jill. Bethany should have worn something hideous, Jill doesn’t like when people look better than she does. And mentions that Bethany looks great with a grimace the second she sees her.
Now… the moment we have all been waiting for: The confrontation. Jill starts screaming about an ambush. Bethany breaks into tears: Im not here to win, I just want to be heard…. You look for flaws inpeople. I didnt know he was that sick. You told me we were done. I sent flowers and as I sent them I was worried that they werent going to be big enough. I am scared of you. Tears streaming down her face.
And Stoic Jill is sitting there wearing a mask of calm. Jill: This is so conjured up. This is so unbelievable. I wish you the best. You want me to go backwards with things that you have done to me that I have let past because I loved you. Aright lets sit down. You want me to go back, Im gonna go back. I actually wrote it down. But I dont have the list. I cant be friends with you because there is no friendship.
TEA? ANYONE WANT TEA? Thanks Luann. We really need your TEA five seconds into the sit down!!! (Luann was SOOOO scared that Jill might make up with Bethany and she would lose her position as matron in waiting.)
Anyway… Jill: Right now I really need to focus on getting Ally into college, luann my FRIEND really needs me. You dont need me as a friend. You are full.
Bethany: Its hard to win with you, its impossible to be a good friend to you because you are always gonna fail…. last year there was always something with everyone… You have to accept some responsibility. You always go to the place where someone is going against you. I would never do anything to hurt you and your family. You could have called me…
Jill: YOU SCARE ME. YOU YELL AT ME. I CANT HAVE THE TOXICITY IN MY LIFE ANYMORE.
ALAS – Luann, to the rescue…. Come on jill, we really need to go we have a car downstairs waiting for us. I thought it carried on to long. Too painful.
Jill- Am I a cold bitch that I didnt cry? What the f just happened….
And with a crazy eye Ramoner SIGH the episode is over.